Deacon Blues

A minister awoke one morning to find floodwaters rising around his home.

As he stepped out onto his front porch to survey the situation, he saw that the floodwaters spread around as far as he could see. His own small car was already submerged to the top of the hood, so he knew that he could not save himself. But he did not despair; instead he thought to himself, "I am a man of Faith; God will save me."

So he waited, and prayed.

The floodwaters had risen to the edge of his porch floor, when a police officer came in a four-wheel-drive SUV, and called to him to get inside to be carried to safety.

But the minister called back, "Go and save someone else! I am a man of Faith; God will save me!"

The SUV drove on.

So he waited, and prayed.

The floodwaters had risen to the edge of his roof, and he had climbed up there, when a neighbor came in a motorboat, and called to him to get inside to be carried to safety.

But the minister called back, "Go and save someone else! I am a man of Faith; God will save me!"

The motorboat drove on.

So he waited, and prayed.

The floodwaters had risen to the base of his chimney, and he stood atop it, when a rescue team came in a helicopter, and called to him to get inside to be carried to safety.

But the minister called back, "Go and save someone else! I am a man of Faith; God will save me!"

The helicopter flew on.

So he waited, and prayed ...

... and drowned.

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter saw him approaching, and asked him, astonished, "What are you doing here? It's not your time!"

The minister replied, "Well, I prayed for God to help me, but He apparently decided not to."

St. Peter could barely contain his frustration. "We sent an SUV, a motorboat, and a helicopter! What were you expecting?!"

We've all seen them. They're just not quite right. I can tell at a glance that they don't follow the mainstream of society. Of course I'm polite about it: I smile, nod, maybe say a kind word, but keep my distance.

He was the guy I saw in the burger joint. He was dressed within societal norms for middle class casual, but he was seventeen words too friendly, and far too specific about how he wanted his burger prepared. And he was needlessly concerned that I should ask the cashier for the half-dollar coin he just gave her.

Then there was the family out for a drive. My view through their rear window triggered my intrinsic prejudice; by facial appearance, they were a stereotypical family of hillbillies; by dress, bound for Something-Mart. And by the look it, all of the occupants were dead set on participating in the driving.

The real shame is that it's been my loss, and an unspoken insult to them.

Though, to be fair to myself, it's often a two-way prejudice. There was another time I was standing in a long line at a fast food restaurant, and a guy I'd never seen before in my life, ahead of me in line, donned an unapologetic sneer at me. He glared at me for at least a full minute before the switchbacks put us within a couple feet of each other.

His emotional disability was apparent in his facial expression toward me. And my intuition suggested that he had perhaps intellectual challenges as well. I am not a confrontational person, but something told me I should stand my social ground. When we came close together, I held his stare expressionlessly for a few seconds, then half-smiled, and said, "Hi."

Unfazed, his lips parted, and he uttered in a most dramatic way, "I loath you."

Determined not to react emotionally, I asked, "Why is that?"

Continuing his glare, with the same melodrama he returned, "Because of how you look."

"Hmmm," I said, unaffected, "That's a shame."

Then there was a time a friend of mine invited me to a gathering of people I'd never met before. As I walked into the room, my prejudice kicked in. These were clearly not mainstreamers. Choice of hairstyle and clothing were the biggest indicators for me.

But I fought it off. I resisted the prejudice that leapt into my emotions. And now the friends of my friend are my friends. Among my best friends, in fact.

"Prejudice" is seen by mainstream society as categorically bad. And yet it's probably fair to say that mainstream society is where prejudice is most prevalent.

I submit that prejudice is neither good nor bad; it's just a conditioned emotional response, and a necessary component of quick response to real emergencies. How we act on that prejudice, however, can be good or bad. I can accept the fact that I had a prejudicial emotional response to the overly friendly guy at the burger joint; but should I avoid him because he's weird? I didn't. I smiled and interacted with him as I would with anyone else I don't know. It cost me nothing to do so, and it brought me no harm.

My tendency is to hold my prejudice close to the vest, and wait for further input. But, sadly, I'm sure that my prejudice colors my perception. The best I can hope for is to be aware of it and try to compensate.

1. Never bring irony on a flight.

2. Check your toddlers and infants.

3. Eyes front! Sit up straight!

4. If you drop the soap, don't bend over.

5. Always remember: the emperor's new outfit is very stylish indeed.

6. Drive or sail.

7. Fly yourself.